Hi everyone. I am just about 18 months out from a severe (90%) PCL tear I was hoping someone else who'd had a similar injury could share their experience. Basically, I still have minor but frequent discomfort and constant mild swelling and I'm wondering at what point to stop saying 'well, it was a serious injury and I'll be messed up for a long long time' and start saying 'ok, it's been a long time, I should raise my expectations.' My pain seems to be to a large extent related to the weather but also to activity.

The full history:
Tore it February of last year after a fairly innocuous fall off a horse. Probably wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't gotten back on and ridden a few more rounds before realizing I'd done real damage. Diagnosed severe PCL tear... 90% torn but was strongly advised against surgery.

Spent two months in a brace and physical therapy. Probably should have done more PT but due to insurance reasons I was paying out of pocket. At this point both PT and doctor said I had full stability in the ligament and gave me permission to resume riding and ease back into running.

By that point it was summer break. I was no longer running for a variety of other reasons. Worked a physical job that required me to be on my feet most of the day. Resumed riding my horse, but had a lot of trouble with imbalance due to my knee. I had very little strength moving it laterally (to cue my horse) and developed a compensatory leg position/crookedness. I quit formal schooling and spent the summer trail riding and flatting to try to get my strength back and not ruin my horse's training with my crookedness. My knee had good days and bad days. Often just general ache from being on my feet, sometimes was fine while riding, sometimes very sore.

Fall semester I went abroad so all physical activity was on the back burner. I did however do several miles of walking daily living in a city. Again, it would sometimes be sore after a lot of walking but generally did well. The gentle regular exercise did a lot to get the injured leg back to a more equal strength.

Back home spring semester, I finally resumed regular gym workouts. Generally, my knee did well and I got my legs strengthened again. Activities that put strain on my knee in a fixed position seem to be the bigger problem. Some of the weight machines for hamstrings and gluts caused minor discomfort and I generally avoided them. A regular elliptical I felt forced my feet just slightly further apart than they wanted to be and sometimes made my knee sore, but I mainly did cardio on a similar machine that didn't bother my knee so much. I've run a few times but not enough to know if the soreness works out or worsens with regular running.

Now it's summer again. Back at my physical job, hardly riding any more because the weather's been brutal, mostly just managing a light ride once a week. I seem to be at a long plateau of 'some days fine, some days sore'. As I said, weather is definitely a factor. Changes in humidity makes it ache and sometimes I can feel the pressure around and behind my kneecap. Several days of heat and humidity make it ache just from the general swelling. Ice or cooling gel usually helps that. Sometimes it is a general ache and sometimes I have localized pain, most often in the lower medial quadrant of my kneecap, sometimes around my patellar tendon. I have full range of motion although sometimes total flexion is uncomfortable and flexion with any sort of twisting (sitting crosslegged or crossing my legs) often causes discomfort. Any jogging makes it sore, although again I don't know if that's something that would loosen up with more running or get worse.

I just feel like I'm not asking that much of my knee. I no longer run or ride competitively largely due to time restraints, but I honestly hope to get back into serious riding after I graduate next year. I'm not an intense athlete but I'd like to go for a jog, ride my horse or kick a football around the back yard without worrying about it. I'm struggling to not let it psychologically affect my riding or just my well being. I was 19 when it happened, almost 21 now and I know things could be worse but its still hard to live with the idea that I've permanently messed up my knee at 19. Am I wrong to be frustrated at this point? Is there something more I could do to work through this? Or should I consider the possibility that something else is wrong?